KNVB looking forward to less sex, more beer and gambling for Dutch children

Over coffee and cigarettes this morning there was visible relief, and energetic chatter, as those at the KNVB, the Dutch FA, collectively and optimistically looked forward to a future of possibility.

"Imagine how many more children we can expose to beer advertisements and gambling companies" one senior executive was heard saying by our local correspondent, with typical Dutch directness. 

The source of all the excitement? Yesterday, news broke that, at the end of this season, sex-toy behemoth EasyToys will end their sponsorship of Eerste Divisie team FC Emmen. 

The shirt-sponsorship deal, signed in 2020 — a cunning way to get the Dutch population, constrained by COVID rules restricting their ability to enjoy team sports, to at least enjoy their solo activities — had been an ever-present migraine to the white, bald, wealthy, conservative men at the Dutch FA. 

The Dutch FA had continuously termed the partnership inappropriate, and is now said to be looking forward to closer ties with beer brand Heineken and gambling site Toto in the coming years.