Manchester United fan, Ryan O'Leary, has today pushed his girlfriend's patience to the limit by insisting, with all the conviction of a Catholic Missionary, that he grew up watching the Argentinian Premier League. 

Just three days earlier, Ryan was uncontactable for almost 20 hours, before stumbling up the stairs and into their third floor flat in Croydon sounding far more Cork than his Dublin upbringing warrants. Today, sober again, Ryan has settled on the Argentinian Premier League's San Lorenzo vs Godoy Cruz as his safest, and lowest hanging, option to tell his missus that he's heading down to the pub for a pint. 

Michelle, from a rugby-following family in Bath, nodded her head slowly as Ryan headed out the door.

"Up San Lorenzo" were the last words she heard. 

More to come on this story in the morning.