Initial reports from Arsenal's training ground have indicated Bukayo Saka — who started in Easter Sunday's much-anticipated-yet-utterly-dull draw against Manchester City — was absent from today's session, raising fear among Arsenal faithful as they look ahead to a title run in.  

When pressed by our on-site jounalist, a back office employee speaking on the promise of anonymity revealed Saka has been put on a strict training programme involving aqua jogging and pilates — while strictly prohibitting weights, running, protein, or cycling. 

This revelation comes off the back of rumours he is suffering from calf hypertrophy, clinical terminology for having huge calf muscles. This season, in 28 Premier League appearances, the England winger has purposefully cut holes in his socks for 27 games, with November's 1-0 loss to Newcastle being the only exception.  

While underreported, calf hypertrophy is not a new ailment for elite level footballers. In February last year, Jose Mourinho, then of Roma, fumed at the football authorities on Instagram for seemingly approving this ongoing garment slaughter.

While digging deeper for this story, our reporter got speaking to George Worthwittle, an Arsenal season ticket holder, at The Twelve Pins, a red-and-white haunt right by Finsbury Park tube station. George, who "like Saka, played right wing at a decent level back in the day", heaped praise on Bukayo's fashion choices. Then, in a stunning revelation, he admitted taking a leaf out of Saka's book and cutting straight through the midrif of his "Invinceables" away jersey — through the two from the O2 sponsor — to give his belly bulging some respite.